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Dream Movie Casting – Woody Allen’s ‘Spider-Man’

Posted at July 23, 2012 by 1 Comment

Woody Allen and Spider-man. While the two may seem to belong to different worlds, they actually have much in common. For instance, Woody’s films are infatuated with New York City, and what is Spider-man if not the patron saint of New York? Sooner or later the question was bound to come up, what if Woody Allen got his hands on the Spider-man franchise? What would come from one of America’s wittiest (and most prolific) filmmakers directing a superhero flick? More importantly, what would that film look like?


Peter Parker, a character who seems to live by an Allen-ism — “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” — gets that chance when he is bitten by a radioactive spider and granted great power. Woody Allen’s Peter Parker is a shy, educated college student, majoring in an intellectual degree like Russian Literature, who plays the clarinet and harbours a secret crush on the most popular girl on campus. Mary Jane Watson is that girl, smart and beautiful, yet quirky (think Annie Hall), who falls into a relationship with Spider-man. To become Spider-man, Peter Parker must master his phobias and go through his own growth period, including seeing a psychoanalyst, before embracing his calling as a superhero. But after making a name for himself, Spider-man’s media coverage draws unwanted attention from Quentin Beck, an intense and famous movie star (think psuedo-Tom Cruise) who uses his knowledge of special effects to challenge Spider-man! Beck wants to create the greatest show on Earth and fuel his ego; but under the “stage-name” of Mysterio. After she gets kidnapped, Spiderman needs to rescue Mary Jane from the crazy clutches of Mysterio and save the day; but not before cracking jokes and worrying about everything.

Click to enlarge Poster A

Spider-man/Peter Parker – Jesse Eisenberg

Woody’s films often deal with a lovelorn protagonist who just doesn’t fit in, which sounds an awful lot like Peter Parker… It just makes sense that Jesse Eisenberg would play that Peter Parker in Woody Allen’s Spider-man. Eisenberg has admitted to having slight OCD, which matches with Woody’s own neuroses and phobias. Eisenberg is also a perfect cross between the awkward, geeky Peter Parker and the nervous acting of Woody Allen. His turn as Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network (and his Oscar nom) was really just prep for this role. Plus, given Woody’s penchant for casting the same actors, after From Rome With Love, Woody has never worked with a more fitting Spider-man.

Mary Jane Watson – Scarlett Johansson

Once again, Allen must go back to the well for Scarlett Johansson, the only choice to play Spidey’s girlfriend, Mary Jane Watson. She’s played the redhead before, she’s drop-dead gorgeous, and after Match Point, Scoop, and Vicky Cristina Barcelona, she and Woody have clearly developed a great chemistry. Woody’s films often deal with an object of desire such as MJ, and Scarlett Johansson was born to fill those shoes.

Aunt May – Diane Keaton

Who better for Spider-man’s sweet old Aunt May than the woman who won Woody his first Oscar, Diane Keaton? They had a great relationship (on and off set), and she has a great confidence and inner strength, perfect for a character like Aunt May who has gone through so much but somehow manages to stay standing.

Uncle Ben – Woody Allen

Naturally Woody Allen would need to make an appearance somewhere, and where else than the tragic role of Uncle Ben? Allen can be a touching, sentimental heart when he’s not cracking wise, perfect to inspire Peter. It’s also a slightly unusual and dramatic role for Woody, a nice change of pace and a bit of a challenge. But, although he’s died in movies before, would Woody be okay with this role? After all, he’s the one who said, “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

J. Jonah Jameson – Sean Penn

Sean Penn and Allen worked well together in Sweet and Lowdown, where Penn reveals a goofy and eccentric side we hadn’t seen prior or since. He’s also well known for his fiery temper and dedication to a role, brilliant for Parker’s scene chewing hothead editor, J. Jonah Jameson. Plus, any film would be lucky to have the totally excellent Jeff Spicoli on board.

Mysterio – Kevin Spacey

Although he hasn’t worked with Allen before, unlike the rest of the cast, Kevin Spacey is an absolutely amazing actor and can bring so much strength to an otherwise cheesy role. As Mysterio, I imagine Spacey from Se7en, but less terrifying and murdery, crossed with his great psychotic turn in Horrible Bosses. The character of Mysterio will be revamped in the film as an established movie star – perfect fodder for Woody’s cynical relationship with Los Angeles, Hollywood, and the media.

Click to enlarge Poster B

Source: DreamMovieCast

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Zech Bouchard

About Zech Bouchard

Zech is a very important writer based in Montreal who has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany.

  • Nayt Cochran

    Actually your plot is sub-par, and far from what Woody would do. Where is the conflict of love interest? the triangle? Why not have gwen stacy be the original love, with MJ becoming a new love interest arising, there is now conflict. Spidey (parker) must choose between Gwen and Mary Jane, Gwen is sweet and shy and beautiful, while MJ is a fox, sexy, forward and confident. Neither is necessarily a wrong choice, but we as an audience can naturally only choose one or the other, Peter faces the same dilemma. So when Mysterio (wonderful choice of villain) attacks, we now have Parker trying to decide who to save, Stacy or Watson? In the end of course Gwen Stacy must die, and Parker Falls in love with Watson (with whom he had already had romantic entanglement causing tension between the three, even though no one was really aware besides Peter.) And now Harry Osborne (Pete’s best bud) has become enraged at the fact that both of the women (whom he was also interested in) were in love with Peter, and not him. This leads an opening for film 2 in which the Green Goblin strikes and we are lead to believe that Harry is the Goblin, however, in a turn of events, Norman turns out to be the Goblin, though this cannot be proved, and Harry is locked away in prison, where he becomes enraged and escapes in the third film becoming Hob-goblin. During film two, Peter recieves the simbiote suit and in the end of the second film loses it, where it is bound to Brock. So the third film features Venom as the lead baddy, with the Hobgoblin making appearances throughout, and in the end Harry and Spidey are forced to team up and defeat Venom, as well as the actual Green goblin, (who is only present for the end of the film) and is killed by Harry himself, causing Harry to spiral into depression and blame himself, eventually going crazy, he unites the sinister six in fourth film. I think that sounds cool…..