C.O.P.S. Dream Casting: Fighting Crime In A Future Time. Part One
Part One: It’s Crime Fighting Time.
Based on the 1988 action figure line C.O.P.S. ‘N’ Crooks, C.O.P.S. was a main staple of Saturday morning cartoons, living on in reruns through most of the ’90s. However, the show’s name was later changed to CyberCOPS, after the debut of the reality show Cops (bad boys, bad boys). The cast consisted of the most masculine officers of the law hands could draw, from Beat Cops to Texas Rangers, working the streets of Empire City in the not-so-distant future of 2020 (they even had an RCMP Mountie, Agent Yukon, for a single episode). Their nemesis? Big Boss, a sizable crime lord who rules with a literal iron fist, aided by henchmen with names like Buttons McBoomBoom, Ms. Demeanour, and Turbo Tu-Tone.
We here at DMC want C.O.P.S. revived as a motion picture spectacular, more importantly as a Todd Philips (Hangover, Old School) comedy, full of over-sized personalities and crazy Empire City scenarios (and maybe even a Mike Tyson cameo).
Baldwin “Bulletproof” Ness / Don Cheadle
Representative of an FBI Agent, Ness is the leader of the group. He assembles the C.O.P.S. team after Big Boss injures him to the point where 70% of his body has to be replaced by cybernetics, including a full bulletproof torso. I wish Ness could be played by a young Billy Dee Williams, but instead I’ll settle for Don Cheadle, who can easily handle the comedy, and makes a commanding leader.
P.J. “Longarm” O’Malley / Aaron Paul
O’Malley is promoted by Ness to second-in-command, a technophobic, by-the-books beat cop who provides the heart of the group. Emmy winner Aaron Paul knows what its like to be second-in-command on Breaking Bad, and definitely provides the heart of that show, so this seems like a very obvious choice. He also gets to wear a dope wrist-mounted handcuff/grappling hook, and that’s awesome, yo.
Sgt. Colt “Mace” Howard / Nick Offerman
A one-man SWAT team from Philadelphia, Howard is especially known for his giant laser “Mazooka.” Who else but Nick Offerman could pick up this role, after his amazing (and Emmy-snubbed) work on Parks and Recreation? The manliest team in the world definitely needs Ron Swanson on their side.
Stanley “Barricade” Bach / Jason Bateman
The sensitive one on the team, Bach is a crowd-control officer from Chicago, someone who would always rather reason with his foes than fight them. In this case the role goes to Jason Bateman, in honour of Arrested Development‘s return to TV in January.