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C.O.P.S. Dream Casting: Fighting Crime In A Future Time. Part One

Posted at September 19, 2012 by 7 Comments

Part One: It’s Crime Fighting Time.

Based on the 1988 action figure line C.O.P.S. ‘N’ Crooks, C.O.P.S. was a main staple of Saturday morning cartoons, living on in reruns through most of the ’90s. However, the show’s name was later changed to CyberCOPS, after the debut of the reality show Cops (bad boys, bad boys). The cast consisted of the most masculine officers of the law hands could draw, from Beat Cops to Texas Rangers,  working the streets of Empire City in the not-so-distant future of 2020 (they even had an RCMP Mountie, Agent Yukon, for a single episode). Their nemesis? Big Boss, a sizable crime lord who rules with a literal iron fist, aided by henchmen with names like Buttons McBoomBoom, Ms. Demeanour, and Turbo Tu-Tone.

We here at DMC want C.O.P.S. revived as a motion picture spectacular, more importantly as a Todd Philips (Hangover, Old School) comedy, full of over-sized personalities and crazy Empire City scenarios (and maybe even a Mike Tyson cameo).

Lets get started!

Baldwin “Bulletproof” Ness / Don Cheadle

Representative of an FBI Agent, Ness is the leader of the group. He assembles the C.O.P.S. team after Big Boss injures him to the point where 70% of his body has to be replaced by cybernetics, including a full bulletproof torso. I wish Ness could be played by a young Billy Dee Williams, but instead I’ll settle for Don Cheadle, who can easily handle the comedy, and makes a commanding leader.

P.J. “Longarm” O’Malley / Aaron Paul

O’Malley is promoted by Ness to second-in-command, a technophobic, by-the-books beat cop who provides the heart of the group. Emmy winner Aaron Paul knows what its like to be second-in-command on Breaking Bad, and definitely provides the heart of that show, so this seems like a very obvious choice. He also gets to wear a dope wrist-mounted handcuff/grappling hook, and that’s awesome, yo.

Sgt. Colt “Mace” Howard / Nick Offerman

A one-man SWAT team from Philadelphia, Howard is especially known for his giant laser “Mazooka.” Who else but Nick Offerman could pick up this role, after his amazing (and Emmy-snubbed) work on Parks and Recreation? The manliest team in the world definitely needs Ron Swanson on their side.

Stanley “Barricade” Bach / Jason Bateman

The sensitive one on the team, Bach is a crowd-control officer from Chicago, someone who would always rather reason with his foes than fight them. In this case the role goes to Jason Bateman, in honour of Arrested Development‘s return to TV in January.

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Zech Bouchard

About Zech Bouchard

Zech is a very important writer based in Montreal who has many leather-bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany.

  • chillguy

    I hear Jack White doing the theme song… or any one of these trendy 2011 #Chillwave bands!

  • CDevil

    BZZZ!!! Fail! The C.O.P.S. team had TWO female members, the second being Susie “Mirage” Young, who was the team’s undercover/disguise expert. The role should go to Michelle Rodriguez, especially after her dual performance in “Resident Evil: Retribution,” where she plays both a badass assassin AND a goody two-shoes homemaker.

    • dreammoviecast

      Ahoy CDevil! Thanks for pointing that out, you are indeed correct and I edited the post accordingly. I dig your suggestion as well!

  • Jon Stewart

    Hell No

  • Jon Stewart

    Seriously? again HELL NO

  • Jon Stewart

    She could work in a movie like that

  • kissarmy1979

    Actually, His name was Baldwin P. Vess a.k.a. “Bulletproof” Vess. Bulletproof vest, get It?